DRUGS
At my desk it’s late at night
This computer screen my only light
Wondering if I’m losing sight
Of what’s important in my life
These last few days I’ve been too high
But my mind opened into a clear blue sky
Here on the surface we can only try
To look beyond the suffering and wait to die
In what can we place hope?
But the things which help us cope
With the forces that tear our lives apart
Because every whole is only separate parts
And even love is made of separate hearts
Just trust in what you think is real
Because in the end all that you feel
Is what can’t be left behind
And the music which danced through your mind
Forms the colors that paint this scene in time
Not to trust in nature is the only crime
Accept the magic of the higher powers
Appreciate that it’s not yours but ours
That’s why there’s color in springtime flowers
Realize that it’s all chemical
To try and sell it is inimical
Sacrifice for one another
See your neighbor as your brother
And sell yourself to no other
Than to this earth, your only mother
Again I’m elegantly wasted
I’ve learned to open up, I’ve faced it
No more problems, no complaints
Absolved by all the saints
By sucking up this powder
My thoughts are growing louder
My self confidence builds, I’m so much prouder
Of being alive, the song I sing
I’m not afraid of anything
I’ve entered the castle where I am king
I believe in God, I truly do
God laughed at me and said
“that may be true, But the real question is,
Do I believe in You?”
ON
THE TREATISE OF RELIGION
Why fight those things you cannot change?
Your birth, your life and all the range
Of emotions which always seem so strange
To one who won’t accept
Those things which are inept…
Why must I carry this burden
Of truths that once were certain
I hate myself for trying to question
Even if it’s only a suggestion
Could my life have no meaning?
My faith, upon which I’d been leaning
Has disappeared and left me feeling
That nothing exists for any reason
And the faithful say I’ve committed treason
That I won’t join them in the coming season
Unless I admit that I am wrong
And join them as they sing their song
They preach that they’ve found the answer
Yet still there’s war, hunger and cancer
I lie awake at night and wonder
If there’s a purpose to rain or thunder
Or fire, oceans, trees or flowers
Is it science, or God’s mighty powers
That made this world a reality?
The human race, just a technicality
Doomed to exist in a hopeless malady
And every religion says there’s hope,
They write so many prayers to help us cope
And the masses believe it, believe in their pope
Who speaks of redemption, which sounds like a joke
To one like myself who has finally awoke
And declared myself free of that painful yoke
Which forced me to wait
And fear God’s hate
Until I die and find it’s only too late
That I was born into the wrong faith
I wonder if there’s anything I can trust
Or will I only return to the dust
When I’ve died?
I’d rather not think that everything ends
And if it doesn’t, with God I’ll make amends
But why should I live my life as a slave
To a doctrine which promises my soul to save
Provided that I remain humble
And bow down to idols which crumble
Nonetheless to myself I have promised
To always remain true and honest
For this I don’t need to follow a preacher
I’d rather learn for myself and be my own teacher
Is this immoral? Am I denying society?
I’d rather call it intellectual sobriety
To me it’s the purest form of piety
And when I die, if there is a deity
I will finally understand
But for now I’d rather just enjoy our land
Take off my shoes, bury my toes in the sand
And wonder, wonder if my life has been planned
Or if we just happened by chance
Like a successful romance.
TO CAROLYN,
WITH LOVE FROM A FRIEND
I read your email, understood your fears
of something timeless, not measured in years
we continue changing yet nobody hears
a toast to the past, the memorable "cheers"
a toast to the future, the cessation of tears
will never come unless we change
To our former selves we would seem so strange
but only because we've learned
for bright futures we have yearned
but regardless of all the hopes and dreams
the days keep passing, horrifying it seems
that yesterday was a more perfect day
could I see things in a clearer way?
home will never be where we left it
our lives are changing, just accept it
for happiness depends on you, nothing else.
Carolyn, don't ask if what you're doing is right
nothing is wrong if you can see the light
and learn, and grow but don't ever lose sight
because possible futures, unlike possible pasts
can change, as long as your dream still lasts
some will grow up, but some will grow old
learn from experience, and you will soon take hold
of the life you've expected, watching dreams unfold
and this poem probably seems really fucking lame
but hopefully you've learned you're never to blame
because without mistakes every life would be the same
you've gotta smile, and relax to win the game
because when it's over this life was only yours
and as you look back through all the opened doors
there was never a reason to fight those wars
but it's all right, what's done is done
only you can say if you had fun.
And only you can say if you were wrong
hear your life as if it were your favorite song
rather than a solo which played too long
Carolyn, if you want my opinion
The song you sing is more than genuine
while everyone else just listens to the radio
and composes their songs with overplayed audio
you've actually got talent
your life, a masterpiece so salient
that even the mistakes sound colorful and valiant.
So as you write me of your momentary fear,
look at the big picture and listen with your ear
to your wonderful symphony growing louder each year
so why NOT drink another beer,
or make yourself happy, if it helps you to hear?
WISHFUL
THINKING II
Thursday night party; drinking Bacardi
Said hello to a brother, then poured another
Drunken thoughts… but then,
My gaze is timid, full of wonder
Confidence is left asunder
Longing for a way to say
Something more than just a “hey”
But all that’s going through my mind
Is hopeless love for whom I’ve pined
My heart has left me far behind
Racing toward this priceless find
I wish I wasn’t so goddamn hammered
For with that girl I’m lost, enamored
And then to her I weakly stammered,
“On this planet we call home,
Nineteen years I’ve sailed alone
For in my sails no wind has blown
And past my ship no birds have flown.
Soon it was so hard to cope
Land, it was my only hope
And then today, a revelation
Seeing you was consolation
For to a dreamer lost at sea
A partner is a sanguine plea
Won’t you come on board with me?”
To me she looked, and slowly smiled,
My senses heightened, driven wild
“I don’t believe we’ve ever met…
but could you spare a cigarette?”
She spoke to me, at once, at last!
The wind had filled my sails, full mast
With previous gloom; a sharp contrast
My ship was moving proud and fast.
We drank, we talked, we had a blast
Together we sailed and found a land
Brought the ship up to the sand
Disembarked, I kissed her hand
So perfect, like it was planned…
TO
ALL YOU GENETIC ENGINEERS
Of my mind, my body, and what I call my soul
Altogether what I would consider my whole
Genetics play the determining role.
Four simple phosphates are all I am
Like the 0s and 1s of a computer program
My reality, just sensory information
My philosophy, based on my education
Or interaction with surrounding population.
What are my thoughts, my ideas, my creation
But simple variables in the human equation?
Am I destined to achieve lasting persuasion,
Live for only the necessary occasion,
Or die in dishonor due to public abrasion?
With all the modern scientific information,
They say genetics are the determination
That compose my entire orientation
And my success within the social organization.
When I gaze deeply into my own reflection,
I see no more than my physical projection,
A predetermined gene collection--
The harsh reality of natural selection
Is that life is not of my direction.
If my psychological and emotional state
Can be reduced to a genetic trait,
And my proverbial clean slate
Was written on my conception date
Is this not predetermined fate?
I’d like to think I’m in control
But genetics play the determining role.
My behavior reflects ideological foundations
Determined through many empirical observations
And tested true through practical applications.
No genes determine my decision
I’m a human with hope and vision
My destiny won’t depend on cell division!